The ‘difficult’ first blog… What is this all about? Why am I doing it? Moments and beautifully chosen words and structured sentences. Relevant images. That’s what it’s all about isn’t it?
If you’ve got through that first paragraph and decided to give this a go then you’ll want to know what to expect from me. I already blog for my employer and I’m also the co-host of what many consider to be the UK’s leading beer podcast. But this will be different, I’m going through a major life event and feel the only way I can share this is by blogging.
Where’s my head at? After 15 years of marriage that produced two wonderful little boys (more about them in the future) I now find myself living, and feeling very alone in the world. Things didn’t work out, sometimes they don’t, and I’m trying to work out why, could I have done anything differently and would it have made a difference anyway?
I don’t do being alone very well. It’s never something that I’ve really experienced having gone from one relationship to another since 16. Being alone scares me, no one to talk to, to laugh with, to be angry with, to text and to have those pointless chats. It’s just me now. Yes, I get to spend a good amount of time with my boys but it’s just not the same. I’m scared that this is it for me now. That I’ll grow old and ultimately die alone. But I also know that’s just where my head is right now.
I’m finding that some of my thoughts are consuming me these days. Thoughts of loneliness, anger, regret, jealously and apprehension. I don’t like not knowing what the future holds, but I know that one of the things that will help me will be writing…
I want to write because it’s good to get these words ‘out’ otherwise they consume me.
I want to write because it I know it give me something to do during the lonely times.
I want to write because there are things I want to write about that aren’t beer or sport.
I want to write because I enjoy it.
Hopefully this gives you a flavour of why you’re here. I don’t plan for my blogs to all be about how I’m feeling. I want to chat about life, things that happen, things I do, see and experience. I might review stuff, films, music, events, train journeys, who knows?
Let’s see what the future might hold and let’s talk About Life.