About Life

This is about me. My thoughts and the things I do. Let's talk About Life

How You Remind Me — March 18, 2016

How You Remind Me

Chad Kroeger has a lot to answer for, although it would be harsh to blame him for my current situation.
London. The place where I grew up, the place where for most of my working life I’ve plied my trade and also the place where I first met my ex.

The latter point is the focus of this post as London has become a constant reminder of things that once were.

We had many of our early dates in London and as time went on other trips and visits both as a couple and then in time with the boys. The last anniversary we actually recognised we celebrated in London. Therefore there are lots of reminders and as I found myself walking along the embankment last night it seemed every building, every landmark was serving as a stark reminder of what was.

I believe this is partly the reason why I’ve lost a lot of my motivation at work. Working in London is a reminder of everything that is crappy with my life right now.

But I need to move past that, my walk along the embankment last night was serving a purpose as I was heading to The Rake in Borough Market for an Irish Tap Takeover to celebrate St Paddy’s Day.

The Rake was where I first discovered how good beer can beer, it’s a place where there is no memory of my ex attached and where I’ve had many a good night with friends. I never left there sober, last night was no exception and for a few hours at least, I could forget about Chad Kroeger.

Sam Black from Blacks of Kinsale Brewery (and me)
Times They Are A Changing — March 16, 2016

Times They Are A Changing

These little guys used to make me smile when I was away from home. They were a reminder of home as I lived only a few miles from the famous jam factory in Tiptree.

Those of you who have been following my blogs will know that I’m struggling with the concept of what ‘home’ means to me now, and this morning at breakfast I had a stark reminder.

This is being compounded by uncertainty at work and where there used to be three of us from Essex enjoying breakfast and joking about the jam factory, the future could mean that number reduces and I lose people that I consider my friends. This makes me really sad and doesn’t help my state of mind right now.

It’s amazing how the little things can have such a big impact.

Two Steps Forward… — March 15, 2016

Two Steps Forward…

…and one back.

Being away with work is an occupational hazard. It comes with the job. And it has it’s perks. I get to stay in some of the best beery cities in the UK and as a result am able to pull on the goodwill of good beery folk. Today’s case in point is Brew Cavern, independent bottle shop in Nottingham who were very accommodating in making sure I had some hotel beers to accompany my catch up TV tonight.

The down side? Being away makes me realise just how alone and lonely I am right now. There’s no one missing me and no one to go back to tomorrow. It’s just me, and that fills me with sadness.


THOUGHTS: Legends of Tomorrow —

THOUGHTS: Legends of Tomorrow

‘Thoughts’ will be my attempt at reviewing ‘stuff’. Now, I can write about beer and interviews but I’ve never really reviewed stuff. This should be interesting then…

Legends of Tomorrow landed on Sky 1 a couple of weeks ago, the much anticipated DC Comics assemble series featuring a series of bit part players from both The Arrow and Flash series.

So what have we got? ‘Rip Hunter’ the ‘time master’ played by former Dr Who companion Arthur Darvill (no the irony wasn’t lost on me either) pulls together a bunch of “people who won’t affect the timeline if they die” to battle time travelling bad egg Vandal Savage across the ages.

There’s possibly a bit more to it than that but there’s also possibly a lot of people who are able to do the premise of the show more justice than me.

But was it any good? I watched it with my boys, both of who are massive fans of Flash but will happily take or leave (mostly the latter) The Arrow. We enjoyed it, there was enough mindless nothingness to not have to follow things too closely and the effects were about what you’d expect from a TV series. Let’s be honest, if your expecting a repeat of Avengers Assemble, you’re probably better off just putting that disc in and watching it again.

The interesting thing will be if they are able to make each episode different enough to keep you engaged each week. There’s only so many “let’s jump through time, jerk around a bit and complete the missions” I think I could watch before I start to get a little bored.

Plus, we wanna see Flash and The Arrow in it from time to time, obviously.

Catch Legends of Tomorrow on Sky 1 every Thursday at 8pm on or catch up TV

Healing? — March 14, 2016


It’s been a few days since my last post and now I’m not sure what to say.

I had a great weekend. My boys have been with me all weekend and we’ve done stuff together. We’ve talked, laughed, argued, explored and played. We spent the whole of Saturday night losing ourselves in geek TV and it was great.

I dropped them off to school this morning knowing I’d see them after school (I’d promised to help their mum with some bits) but also knowing that the special time we had together was done for a few more days.

Although, leaving tonight and coming home to an empty house was a little easier than before. Maybe healing has started or maybe I’m just buoyed by the weekend. I’m guessing only time will tell. 

Four sleeps. Then I get to be with them again. 


Coming Up Trumps — March 11, 2016

Coming Up Trumps

Today was a good day. I woke up in the same house as my boys. I got cuddles in bed before I got up. There was noise. And arguing. And breakfast together at the table.

These are the little things, the things that mean so much right now and I’m holding on to every one of them.

The 3 of us are spending this evening in a hotel as my eldest has been on a Scouts activity in Ipswich. While he was off doing his thing I sat in the bar with my little man, enjoying a sublime pint of Adnams Southwold Bitter and playing Top Trumps. And everything was perfect.


Comforts — March 10, 2016


In yesterday’s post I wondered “what makes a home”?

Excited chatter, arguing and laughter. That’s what.

My boys are here today and they’re with me until Sunday now. This is the first time they’re going to spend this amount of time with me and while there is still an element of us all getting used to our ‘new space’ together, for the next few days at least, it will feel like home.

That, and home cooking… 


19:07 — March 9, 2016


Today was a fairly standard day. Up, coffee, walk to station, coffee, commute, moan about Brewdog’s latest stunt, commute, chat, coffee, meeting. 

The meeting. Ah yes. Some chatter, catch up, suggestion of job losses and restructure, more chatter, WOAH, hang on. Back track a little. Yup, impending (unmentioned) restructure. Great, something else to factor into my already crappy life.

After work I headed to the Irish Embassy where, having been invited by the Ambassador and the Irish Food Board I had an evening of sampling Irish Craft Beer ahead of me.

All very well and good. Until I nipped to the loo in the basement, alone, and thought “ah, back to an empty house tonight” 19:07. I clocked the time.

Back to the party for a few more beers and chat, and time spent with my beer writing friend Justin before heading back across London, a swift half at Liverpool Street and then the journey home.

Home. An empty place filled with, well nothing. What makes it home? A great selection of take out beers?
Only time will tell I guess… 

The Start of the Tunnel — March 8, 2016

The Start of the Tunnel

There’s been talk today about the light at the end of the tunnel. That still seems a long way off for me, but maybe I’m at the start of the tunnel, or at least loitering around outside. Quite ironic really as I found myself standing before the image below this morning and just felt compelled to capture it (bemused woman optional)…


Entrance to St Christopher’s Place, Nr Bond Street, London
I published a new blog today for work, it’s been quite well received and while that blog went live I was spending time interviewing subjects for my next 2 blogs. It’s not really the day job, but it’s been acknowledged as being something that I appear to be quite good at so I’m being given a little bit of freedom with it at the moment. But it was good to talk to people.

While the darker thoughts have continued throughout the day I’ve also had a counselling session tonight. I don’t mind admitting that, I need help here and I’m getting it. Tonight’s conversation was about how I’m feeling, how raw those feelings are right now, and the fact that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I just don’t know when that will be right now, but maybe I’ve got to actually enter the tunnel first.

A Case of the Mondays — March 7, 2016

A Case of the Mondays

Today has continued a trend. It wasn’t a good one.

I’m missing adult company. Having someone around to ‘shoot the shit’ with. Having another being around me. Not being alone.

Things have happened today that have brought the darkness to the fore. I’ve started thinking about a possible future that I don’t like, and I don’t know how to deal with that.

The instant reaction is to lash out, and start defending the territory. Which is what I’ve done to a certain extent, but it made me feel no better.

We recorded the latest episode of our podcast tonight and for 34 minutes I was able to forget everything but then when I finished there was the emptiness again. No one to share with, to talk to, to be with. 

Then the darkness returned…